Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement…
get up in the morning and look at the world
in a way that takes nothing for granted.
Everything is phenomenal;
everything is incredible;
never treat life casually.
To be spiritual is to be amazed.
You know that feeling when you have just gone through a breakup, or lost your job, and everything is terrible and terrifying and you don’t know what to do, and you find yourself crying in a pile on your bedroom floor, barely able to remember how to use the phone, desperately looking for some sign of God in old letters, or your Facebook or on Glee, finding nothing there to comfort you?
Come on, yes you do. We all do.
And there is a goddess from Hindu mythology that teaches us that, in this moment, in this pile on the floor, you are more powerful than you’ve ever been.
This past week, I have been deeply inspired by a talk I heard on this relatively unknown Goddess from Hindu mythology: Akhilandeshvari.
This figure has snuck up inside me and settled into my bones. She keeps coming into my thoughts and she’s given me so much strength and possibility during a time of change and uncertainty in my own life. I wanted to unpack a little bit about who she is for those that might be, like me, struggling a little bit in that pile on the floor and wondering how the hell to get up again.
The answer, it turns out, is this: in pieces, warrior-style, on the back of a crocodile. Yee ha.
“Ishvari” in Sanskrit means “goddess” or “female power,” and the “Akhilanda” means essentially “never not broken.” In other words, The Always Broken Goddess. Sanskrit is a tricky and amazing language, and I love that the double negative here means that she is broken right down to her name.
But this isn’t the kind of broken that indicates weakness and terror.
It’s the kind of broken that tears apart all the stuff that gets us stuck in toxic routines, repeating the same relationships and habits over and over, rather than diving into the scary process of trying something new and unfathomable.
Akhilanda derives her power from being broken: in flux, pulling herself apart, living in different, constant selves at the same time, from never becoming a whole that has limitations.
The thing about going through sudden or scary or sad transitions (like a breakup) is that one of the things you lose is your future: your expectations of what the story of your life so far was going to become. When you lose that partner or that job or that person, your future dissolves in front of you.
And of course, this is terrifying.
But look, Akhilanda says, now you get to make a choice. In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out?
This goddess has another interesting attribute, which is, of course, her ride: a crocodile.
Crocodiles are interesting in two ways: Firstly, the crocodile represents our reptilian brain, which is where we feel fear. Secondly, the predatory power of a crocodile is not located in their huge jaws, but rather that they pluck their prey from the banks of the river, take it into the water, and spin it until it is disoriented. They whirl that prey like a dervish seeking God, they use the power of spin rather than brute force to feed themselves.
By riding on this spinning, predatory, fearsome creature, Akhilanda refuses to reject her fear, nor does she let it control her. She rides on it. She gets on this animal that lives inside the river, inside the flow. She takes her fear down to the river and uses its power to navigate the waves, and spins in the never not broken water. Akhilanda shows us that this is beautiful.
If everything remained the same, if we walked along the same path down to the river every day until there was a groove there (as we do; in Sanskrit this is called Samskara, habits or even “some scars”), this routine would become so limited, so toxic to us that, well, the crocs would catch on, and we’d get plucked from the banks, spun and eaten.
So now is the time, this time of confusion and brokenness and fear and sadness, to get up on that fear, ride it down to the river, dip into the waves, and let yourself break. Become a prism. Find yourself broken into colorful pieces, reflecting and creating light, and imagine those pieces coming together again to create a more beautiful version of the being you are.
All the places where you’ve shattered can now reflect light and colour where there was none. Now is the time to become something new, to choose a new whole.
But remember Akhilanda’s lesson: even that new whole, that new, colourful, amazing groove that we create, is an illusion. It means nothing unless we can keep on breaking apart and putting ourselves together again as many times as we need to. We are already “never not broken.” We were never a consistent, limited whole. In our brokenness, we are unlimited. And that means we are amazing.
is highly stimulating to the throat Chakra, enhancing one’s ability to communicate inner truth, at it also has a soothing and relaxing effect on the emotional body. Aqua Aura Quartz can be used to soothe anger, cool feverishness, and release stress It is strongly connected to the element of water, and it is therefore a stones for enhancing one’s access to the truth of the emotions and the portals of Spirit which are accessed through the emotions. Aqua Aura Quartz can assist one in plumbing one’s emotional depths and heights while retaining inner peace. It can also be an aid to those who wish to become conscious channels for spiritual wisdom, clearing and opening the pathways of inter dimensional communication. Aqua Aura Quartz has a very high and intense vibration. It has been used to activate the energy of other minerals and gemstones for healing work, and can be a potent stone when used in body layouts for activation of the Chakras. It can be success fully applied to smooth and heal the Auric field, and to release negativity from one’s emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual bodies. Wearing Aqua Aura Quartz is said to help one to shine with one’s inner beauty, to attract wealth and success, to bring forth esoteric wisdom, to relieve depression & anxiety, and to assist in creating an aura of peace & well being in oneself and one’s surroundings. It is a stone of spiritual elevation, which can serve to help raise the vibration of humanity.
I am wearing this around my neck beginning today.
“If you are around people or energies you aren’t comfortable with, see them as offering you opportunities for spiritual growth by teaching you more about becoming transparent. The thoughts and feelings of people you have the most trouble harmonizing with are the very ones that will give you the most growth when you do learn to be transparent to them. That is why you have attracted these people into your life.”